Gail Collins, I love you!

Now, let me hasten to add – “at a distance.” She has no need to worry about a stalker or a restraining order. But, I must admit, if given a choice, I would love to sit next to her at a dinner party. She is just a lot of fun.

Thinking about girls like that took me down memory lane; back to my college days.

I dated three girls in college; concurrently. Back then, there was not the “hurry towards an exclusive arrangement” type of thing. I dated each one with sincerity, but with a different perspective.

Miss Sarah Hightower was a southerner; a transplant like me. She had been steeped in the manners that so bind the south to the past. Miss Sarah was all about formality. When I needed to make a perfect impression at some seemingly perfect gathering, Miss Sarah was my date. She was always dressed to the nines and very comfortable with the small talk that occurs at such events.

She would always say, in reference to her family, “my daddy is a farmer.” Truth was, “daddy” had over 20,000 acres of land and was a United States Senator. (Now don’t go looking up names of Senators – some things have to be changed to protect some other things!)

The problem with doing anything spontaneous with Miss Sarah was that you couldn’t. She had to be asked out at least a month before you intended going out. Usually, by that time, you were “out of the mood.” She, of course, would never initiate a telephone call. “Ladies, do not phone gentlemen.” (You see how old I am, this was way before texting “I am hot for you honey!” It was a lot easier to have clandestine affairs before the worries of leaving a cellular trail. Got that, Tiger?)

Once, when Miss Sarah’s grandfather died, she was forced to phone to ask for a drive to O’Hare. (Riding alone in a taxicab would not be proper.) She spent the first fifteen minutes of the call, apologizing for having made it. Only after we got through that, was I apprised of the passing of the old guy. But, all said, Miss Sarah did make a good impression.

When I was hungry, I dated Adriana. She loved to cook and had a rather svelte look for someone whose roots were Eastern European. Once, while I was concentrating on her stuffed peppers, she announced that when she married, she would receive a large sum of money from the treasury of her country since she was a Princess. Truth be told, the stuffed peppers were not that great!

Adriana was purpose driven, and that is always an admirable characteristic. However, she had a penchant for throwing parties at which I was seemingly the only person who remembered the date and time. (Hmmmm.)

Then, there was Nancy Dunham. Nancy was pure fun. She was obviously not “well heeled” since she worked at a downtown restaurant as a waitress. I never heard her mention what her father did. When off-duty she was often in jeans and a well-worn sweater. I am not certain she cooked or merely did “take home” from the restaurant. She had the clipped accent of someone raised near Boston. She was comfortable with a last minute call to grab a movie or a burger. She was great on a Saturday outing into the Loop. And, she was brilliant! Good fun; good conversation.

We both graduated and went our separate ways. I think she was always a bit suspicious of my accent. She was like Gail Collins, I believe, but without a column in the New York Times.

Hats off to you Ms. Collins, you made me laugh again today! (And remember.)